i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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