he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
