Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
