Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
