we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
