apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
