Your tits are I can't wait for
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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