It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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