You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
