A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
