His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
