Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
