Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
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