Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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