im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
