my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Quick, to the slutcave!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
