That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
