That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
