Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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