dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
