NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
