What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
