You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
