Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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