it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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