Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
