I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
