so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
