and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
