what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
