some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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