How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
