I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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