so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
