Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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