I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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