You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
