he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
