After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
