At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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