No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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