hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
