My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
