If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
