Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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