I puked a lego.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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