So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
