I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
