Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
