I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
