That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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