What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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